By November 2020, 8 months into the pandemic, my mind and body were a complete mess. Burnout, Chiari malformation and syringomyelia aside, my body was feeling oooolllllldddd. Stiff, creaky and crampy. Every time I changed positions, I creaked like the rusty Tin Man and groaned like Sam Fox.
In reading The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., I realized that my nervous system had been in a fight/flight/freeze state for months (if not longer). Born with a damaged nervous system, I have always had an advanced understanding of its intricacies. And yet, I was shocked to learn the relationship of emotions, trauma and the nervous system.
I was blown away by the concrete and severe impact of a nervous system under stress, learning that people with trauma histories have an increased likelihood to suffer from fibromyalgia, autoimmune disorders, digestive disease, heart disease, cancer and so on. Whether or not I have a trauma history is still up for debate in my mind, but it seems clear that constantly experiencing an aroused state = bad news.
Dr. van der Kolk’s willingness to dedicate an entire chapter to the benefits of yoga, enticed me to experiment with the practice as a tool for my recovery from burnout as well as improving the strength around my spine.
I find the physiological benefits of yoga incredibly fascinating and invite you to geek out with me:
Bottom-up Regulation
Balances the sympathetic (accelerator) and parasympathetic (decelerator) parts of our nervous system by activating the brain stem and limbic system
Interoception
Engages the Mohawk of Self-Awareness
Completes the Stress Cycle:
Fills the Reward Cup with Rhythm
Starting My Yoga Practice:
Going to a studio or a gym regularly has never proved to be a sustainable activity for me. Plus… pandemy. But I also need a bit of structure and guidance in order to maintain a practice. As it turns out, YouTube is a big win for at home yoga. My favorite channel being, Yoga with Adriene.
Adriene is goofy, awkward, compassionate, and insightful. She regularly reminds me that I already experienced the hardest part: showing up. She reminds me over and over that my practice is about Finding What Feels Good and nothing else.
After a few fits of starts and stops, I committed to a daily yoga practice. I aim for 20-30 minutes a day but on tough days, I’ll play a video from the “under 10 minutes” playlist, looking to simply maintain my practice. Adrienne has videos for virtually every situation including when I feel sick, hungover, or
generally like crap.
Within only about a month of beginning my daily practice, I began to see all the benefits Dr. van der Kolk touted. It has become a vital tool for me to maintain a sense internal balance (however tenuous) through the internal and external rollercoaster of life. And side bonus... I no longer worry that standing up will crack off a limb! 🙃
With about 10 months of a daily practice under my belt, I’ve laughed, cried, raged, and grieved “with” Adriene. I am not sure if it is the daily yoga practice or specific to Adriene or both, but the practice has built a muscle of self-compassion and patience that has allowed me to explore facets of life I never have before. It has allowed me to ride the waves of elation down to heartbreak and back up again. Yoga has made me brave. Allowed me to tolerate ice cold fear. Enabled me to know how I am.
Note: I have since transitioned to the FWFG subscription app. I find it easier to quickly grab the “right” video for me on a given day.
Disclaimer: This is a "one woman shop"! I was not blessed with proofing nor spelling super powers. If you spot a mistake, comment, email or DM me! I thank you in advance for your compassion and grace. ❤️